(css: "font-size: 150%;")[''Blazing Flames'']
(css: "font-size: 50%; color: lawngreen; font: 'Courier New'")[Written by Rather Dashing of the Sundial-꩜ System
--
"I'll see you in Hell, because it's Hell that sent me."]
This is, in all sense, a retrospective of my life at the time of writing. It brings up topics such as:
* Self doubt
* Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria about existing
* Gender identity/general identity troubles
* A general dislike of self
* Descriptions of fire
* Mild exomemory discussion
* Swearing
* A lot of feelings.
This story is based sort of on the fundamentals of Peasants Quest, my source. The link-things used to proceed in the story are simple, all caps commands, like one would input into the game to do things (for example, THROW BABY, TALK MAN, et cetera..)
If you are okay with all of these things and understand the above warnings, you may [[PROCEED]]
And hey? Even if you don't, thank you for... looking at this page. I suppose. I appreciate it. I spent a lot of time on this, and it's not perfect, but thank you nonetheless. YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], a peasant living in the calm realm of PEASANTRY. You recently came back from vacation to find your cottage (text-style:"shudder")[(css: "color: red")[(text-style:"shadow")[BURNINATED]]] by the (css: "color: red")[(text-style:"shadow")[BURNINATOR]], (css:"color: lawngreen")[(text-style:"bold","outline")[TROGDOR]]. You go on an epic adventure to get your revenge on him, and-
[[Wait, that's not right.]]YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], a member of the (text-colour:(hsl:255,0.5336,0.5039,0.55))[SUNDIAL SYSTEM]. |1>[You are a fictive](click:?1, (action:'mouseover'))[ (which means that you are, instead of being a brain-made headmate, based on some sort of fictional media)] and your source is the Homestar Runner game Peasant's Quest. You just recently appeared in the system, and you do not have the hang of many things, but you find yourself fronting anyway, after the person fronting before you, (text-colour:(hsl:230,0.5731,0.4961,0.55))[DEAN], checked out. You are different from him in many ways.. but lets not squander on the details.
[[COME TO YOUR SENSES]]It all begins on a Saturday.
Your system moderates a Discord server for They Might Be Giants fans, which does relatively well. Most weekends are spent on calls with the members there.
You switched in in the middle of a game of Monster Seeking Monster, which is essentially a game about jokingly flirting with your friends. The disorientation was (text-style:"blur")[near surreal], but you decided to go with the flow. You fully replaced Dean in the following game of Bracketeering, something that did not go unnoticed.
[[REFLECT ON SELF]]YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], and- yeah, yeah, you get it by now.
You are unsure of how you feel with gendered terms, but (text-colour:#0091ff)[HE/HIM] pronouns suit you nicely. You refer to everyone as sir, or miss, or whatever their preferred honorific is. You try your best to remain polite and calm, and often succeed. You like using big words, and you like playing the occasional videogame. Your favorite band, not unlike most system members, is They Might Be Giants.
In the innerworld, your hair is cut short, you have a scar on your chin, and your eyes have been described as (text-colour:#02d911)["piercingly green"]. You're often wearing the same t-shirt, and of course, a pair of SHORT PANTS.
... And, perhaps most importantly, you speak with a distinct accent that differs from the rest of the system.
Speaking of, you should say something.
[[RAISE VOICE]]You attempt to speak. Surely, nobody is going to get mad at you for talking, right? Nobody is going to know.
You speak, and.... well, the details are something you buried deep in your brain, so |1>[it wouldn't get in the way of your sleep every night.](click:?1, (action:'mouseover'))[ (it still does, but atleast it *somewhat* helps.)]
However, it went something like this:
(text-style:"blurrier")[(css: "color: #36632e")[*"blah blah blah rather dashing blah blah blah vaguely british sounding nonsense"*]
*"you're british?? really??? thats lame and uncool we are going to laugh at you now"*]
It probably didn't go down like that at all, but you remember they commented on your voice, and it made you feel bad. They probably didn't mean it. You don't bring it up.
(text-style:"blur")[(css: "font: 'Courier New'; color: #36632e")[Is it possible to feel RSD about existing? These are some of the only people you... trust enough to come out to. why are they laughing? I wish I wasn't like this, I wish I wasn't lame, I wish I-]]
[[OH WAIT]]YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], and you are... still on a call. And, you just absolutely DOMINATED a round of Mad Verse City..
... is what you would say if your friend didn't beat you in the last round, barely stealing your first place.
You tell her that it was a (css: "color: #36632e")[good game] and there's a comment thrown out (By your boyfriend? You don't remember clearly.) about how you take the game too seriously.
~~(css: "color: #36632e")[*"Sorry, this is how my brain tells me I play the game so I blend in without distinguishing mysel-"*]~~
No, you can't say that, Dashing.
(css: "color: #36632e")[*"Sorry, I have a hard time not taking the game seriously."*]
.... Never mind that. You try to drown it all out in the thrill of the game, but...
You feel worse. You don't know how to stop it. It's a miracle you were able to defeat Trogdor at all.
(text-style:"blur")[//.....Defeat?//]
...Thinking about *that* gives you some kind of headache.
You remove yourself from the call. It's getting late, anyway.
Ah.
[[FLASH BACK]]
(text-style:"smear")[The smell of fire is one that comes to you easily.
YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], and quite honestly, this blows. You return home from vacation to find your cottage in flames, everything within it gone as well, except for a map. You now own absolutely nothing, except for your t-shirt, your pair of short pants and a map. You yell.
*"(css:"color: lawngreen")[(text-style:"bold","outline")[TROGDOOOOOOR!!!!]]"*
You swear you'll get revenge on Trogdor once and for all. Vanquish him no matter the cost. It's a grand, and very hard to recall journey, but you remember the (text-style:"shudder")[(css: "color:red")[blazing flames]] and (text-style:"sway")[(css: "color: darkgray")[smell of smoke]]. He slashed you in the face with his incredibly sharp claws. You tried to hit him with your sword, but it practically broke in half after a few hits, and Trogdor didn't seem fazed at all. After this long of a journey, there was no way in genuine hell that you were giving up. You will either go out in a (text-colour:#ff7300)[(text-style:"rumble")[BLAZE]] or defeat Trogdor and become a hero.
..... You don't remember anything after that.]
[[BACK TO REALITY]]YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], and, well, you're having a bad time.
You confide in your boyfriend. You cry.
It is more than a bit fucked up that you were launched into front for the very first time and you were instantly joked about because your voice isn't like everyone else in the system. You have complicated feelings about it. It becomes overwhelming.
You end up falling asleep on call with your boyfriends, feeling peace for damn near the first time since being launched into front. You did not sleep well that night, but the company of your boyfriends made it a bit more than 10 times better.
Rise and shine, Rather Dashing.
[[SKIP TIME]]It's Sunday night, and you are still having complicated feelings. This time, not as bad. Mostly just... identity related. You played Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People, episode 5, 8-Bit Is Enough, and it had you in it, which was almost horrifying. The pixelized version of you staring back from the screen, preaching something about saving princesses these days MUST mean you survived the battle against Trogdor, right? (text-colour:(hsl:0,0,1,0.3))[(text-style:"strike","blur")[Why can't you just fucking remember it already?]]
On another note, you are overloaded by the feeling of (text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#ff3d81)[LOVE]], and you don't know how to deal with (text-style:"shudder")[(text-colour:#af38ff)[GENDER]] and it's all a bit too much, but you drown it in Howl's Moving Castle and boyfriend hang-out time.
You can't shake the feeling, but it(text-style:"blur")[ dulls down.]
Wait.
Maybe you should..
[[EXPLORE THE FEELING]]
or, maybe
[[LEAVE IT ALONE]]Queue Monday night, you decide to paint the body's nails, because, you have the tools and you have the time. You mess up twice, but it looks somewhat nice, and you feel you can get used to it. You try to figure out your labels while you go. You're hanging out with friends, and after Sunday you've been considering labeling yourself as aromantic and asexual, as you don't feel attraction in any notable way. Except for your two boyfriends, where you feel an (text-style:"rumble")[overwhelming] amount of attraction.
As for your gender... well, its complicated. It isn't like you NEED to figure it out, but you WANT to.
You don't think gendered terms of any kind suit you, at all(boy, girl, man, woman, whatever). You prefer the term "knight" to refer to yourself. It fits you better, and it feels better. As for name, you like your name! It's you, it's the core of your identity, it's what defines you. YOU are (css: "color: #36632e")[RATHER DASHING], but if thats too long, you accept nicknames like Rath, Dash, RD, Ardee, or just Rather or Dashing.
... You decide your gender doesn't need any definition, for now. You're just the dragon-fighting peasant/knight (css: "color: #36632e")[Rather Dashing], and hey, that's okay. For now.
[[HEAR VOICE]]You try to leave it alone for a day, and do a near-horrifying amount of art, catching the system almost entirely up on owed art.
You jump into a call with your friends, stream some Homestar Runner content to them (graciously skipping the Peasants Quest content), and at the end of it all, it returns once more. It almost feels (text-style:"shadow","fidget")[stronger than it was previously], and you're not sure if you can ignore it for much longer.
You push on. You decide that you should paint the body's nails, as you have the tools and the time. It goes well, you hang out with some friends meanwhile and the feeling feels like its (text-style:"outline","rumble")[(text-colour:#f00)[BOILING YOU]].
You have no choice but to [[EXPLORE THE FEELING]].(text-colour:#127fed)[*"Hey, Dash."*]
Oh. It's Teeg.
THAT is (text-colour:#127fed)[TEEG DOUGLAND], the current main host of your system, who is also a Homestar Runner fictive. A lot of members are. Teeg enjoys Limozeen and so far is the only allosexual of the system. He has a lot of memories of being himself before the system (text-style:"strike","blurrier")[(Why don't you have those, Dash?)] and he's very in love with Larry Palaroncini.
(text-colour:#127fed)[*"You doin' okay out there? I heard you're having a hard time. Want me to take over?"*]
(text-colour:#36632e)[*"..I'm fine, Teeg. Don't worry about it."*]
(text-colour:#127fed)[*"....Well, worth a shot. Keep goin' strong, dragon slayer."*]
He stops responding after a while. You fall asleep. You don't ... dream. You never have. You wake up some.. 4AM. You stay in the silence, with the buzzing of thoughts being your only solace.
//Why did Teeg even call me "dragon slayer"? I don't remember killing Trogdor. If anything, that's Strong Bad's title. I just fought him. //
(text-style:"blur")[(text-style:"upside-down")[I mean, would I even be strong enough to defeat him at all?] ]
That thought leaves you silent.
You fall asleep for real now, and you don't wake up before the following morning.
[[END]]... Yeah, that's it. Thats where I am now. Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022. I have so many complicated thoughts and feelings, and this is really just a dramatization of it all.
I don't see myself as a dragon slayer. I don't remember... winning. It will always fucking hurt that I don't remember, and I don't know what I'll do if/when I do.
I hope this was an insightful look into the way my life has been these past few days. It leaves out a few details I want to keep private, as it seems better than revealing my (text-style:"shudder")[ENTIRE] life to people in the form of this little text game.
Oh, and if I indirectly mention you in this, I mean nothing harsh. None of this is meant to be insulting or anything of the sort. I didn't speak up about feeling bad, you couldn't have known, let's leave it at that.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I poured my entire heart into this. And 4 hours.
(css: "font-size: 50%; color: lawngreen; font: 'Courier New'")[Written by Rather Dashing of the Sundial-꩜ System
--
"If you've ever felt alone in the crowd that screams your name, *firewalker with me*."]
If you want to read it again,
[[START ANEW]].
If you want to do something else,
...CLOSE THE TAB.
.... I don't know what else to tell you there.
↶↷Blazing Flames
Written by Rather Dashing of the Sundial-꩜ System
--
"I'll see you in Hell, because it's Hell that sent me."
This is, in all sense, a retrospective of my life at the time of writing. It brings up topics such as:
- Self doubt
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria about existing
- Gender identity/general identity troubles
- A general dislike of self
- Descriptions of fire
- Mild exomemory discussion
- Swearing
- A lot of feelings.
This story is based sort of on the fundamentals of Peasants Quest, my source. The link-things used to proceed in the story are simple, all caps commands, like one would input into the game to do things (for example, THROW BABY, TALK MAN, et cetera..)
If you are okay with all of these things and understand the above warnings, you may PROCEED
And hey? Even if you don't, thank you for... looking at this page. I suppose. I appreciate it. I spent a lot of time on this, and it's not perfect, but thank you nonetheless.